Like Being In Jail…
- So sorry for the long silence… I had had the “baby blues” since my last post. I was pretty down then… have been crying a lot for no particular reasons OR for even the smallest issue. I got aggitated soooo easily, especially with the presence of my own mother & my in-laws in the house. Sometimes, just hearing their voices got me all pissed. I’m so ashamed of myself but I can’t seem to kick those bad feelings away. Thank God I do not feel the same of Haley, especially when she cries for food or diaper change. In fact, her presence seems to calm me down lots, so that’s a good thing.
- I know the main reason for how I was feeling was mainly due to the hormonal changes in my body. In addition to that, my “imperfect” confinement practices made it worse for me. Why I say “imperfect”? Well… for one, both mum & mum-in-law do not know how to execute the confinement rules to suit my emotional & physical being. I constantly get direct & indirect naggings from both of them, at times making me feel so useless & stupid. Often enough, they made me feel like I’m going through a punishment for giving birth to Haley. It’s like being in jail with constant reminders of how unsuitable I am for being a mother. I get bossed around to the point of even the way I sit got naggings from them! Sit also cannot… sleep also cannot… go outside also cannot… this cannot eat… that cannot drink… WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT ME TO DO??? Sigh…
- Initially, I had constipation problem and doctor adviced me to get some fibers into my diet, such as vegetable, etc. I was DENIED vegetables for no particular reasons except that IT IS ONE OF THE CONFINEMENT RULES! I was adamant & kept asking for my greens and alas my mum gave in AFTER I told her that it’s doctor’s order to give me my vegetables! Being said, I was only allowed 2 species of greens in my diet then. To my relief, some new species of greens have been added into the list a couple of days back.
- When something wrong happened, such as when Haley’s got nappy rash recently, I got the blame for it! Heck!!! I didn’t change Haley’s diapers until the 2nd week and when the nappy rash happened, I got the blame! How is that possible that it was my fault?
- Yeah… some of you might be saying that I should have gotten myself a confinement lady (aka CL) in the first place. Well… maybe I should have… but then again… how’d I know if the CL will do me any better? I’ve heard of sooo many horror stories about them as well. How they’re so totally against breastfeeding and how they’re so strict & inconsiderate towards the mother & baby, forcing the ridiculous confinement rules on them.
- Ah well… my emotional state is recovering slowly now. This I’d like to thank my loving darling & friends who’ve given me constant support & encouragement. I’ve been praying a lot to the Lord to help me go through this stage with constant strength & perseverance.
Enough of my rantings. Here I’d like to share more photos of Haley taken recently by darling Francis & yours truly. Thank you for reading this blog.
Darling took this pic recently
Cuteness Overload!
Haley's attempt to lift her head up
This is how she looks after her "head-lift" exercise
My Angel
Her cute smile
Hairy Haley
Long Eyelashes
Cutey Toes
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